Tainted Wisdom

Shrooms

I just returned from Amsterdam. In Amsterdam, it is legal to purchase raw shrooms, hallucinogenic mushrooms. They cost about $10Euro or $16USD. I purchased a small plastic box of what were called Thai Shrooms. Inside were 10, 2” to 3” long, white shrooms, and as instructed by the lady working the shroom counter, I went back to my hotel and ate half the container. I sat back on the bed in front of BBC news. Other than the television, all that was significantly available to me was the room’s large window, which overlooked a grassy garden filled with many well-manicured trees, flowers, bushes, and footbridges. A canal with its several off-shooting rivulets flowed through this garden and under the footbridges. In the background stood the city of Amsterdam in the light of a full moon. Clouds intermittently concealed and uncovered the full moon.

After about 40 minutes, the hotel bible on the end table next to the bed began to come to life. It appeared that its leather was breathing. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My nose and ears had grown to 3x their original size and the figure in the mirror became a separate entity: it was and wasn’t my reflection anymore. The distorted me began pointing back, laughing at me, blowing kisses, and winking. I closed my eyes for what seemed to be an instant, but after returning to the bed and checking the clock, I realized I’d been in the bathroom for about 30 minutes. Nevertheless, while my eyes were closed, I was given a vision of all the errors I’d made in my life, all of my imperfections, and failings. I was also given a gift: a realization of how fragile and short life is, and how I needed to use the remainder of my days diligently writing the novels and short stories I have been foreordained to write. Long story short, Vincent van Gogh appeared to me in this vision and offered me his ear.

In any event, I feel I have become a better man by taking shrooms. I have a better knowledge of my faults and failings and have become better focused on my ultimate purpose. Whether I will change my ways and focus is still up to me, but at least now, when I choose failure and misery it will be a choice I make with my eyes open.

About the rest of the trip: I turned off the lights and stood at the window, looking out. The trees turned into an army of treants and trolls going to war against each other, while the bushes and flowers turned into gnomes and dwarves joining in the foray. In the clouds mixed with the moonlight, the face of Zeus appeared to watch the battle from the heavens. Every once in a while, he’d open his lips and exhale wind that caused the battle to ebb and flow based on which side’s clerics most diligently prayed to him for favor.

I woke up the next morning feeling great. There were no side effects but an enhanced imagination and a better knowledge of my self.

I recommend everyone go to Amsterdam and try shrooms.